The Pied Piper....A Story That MUST Be Told...

Wow, where do I start?? As a brief disclaimer to what you are about to read, every struggling artist trying to make it happen has at one time or another gotten booked for a bullshit show. However, in the period of over a decade that I have been making music, this one probably takes the cake. So, a few months back when I released my album, I signed up for a site called MusicSubmit.Com. Basically, they do a lot of research on the internet for you that would take you a long time to do on your own. The package I signed up for was $10 a month. For that amount, they would submit a virtual press kit of my music to 25 different sources each month. These could range from music social networking sites to magazines, radio stations, labels, etc. etc. Then, those people can contact you directly if they like your music. In fairness, some of the contacts have been pretty legit. I had this really dope site in South Florida called Myxer set me up for an account & help me create ringtones & wallpapers. The very same month (this month, August), I was contacted by a company called Eklectra that allegedly has a TV show called Pipers Pics TV. It is supposed to air all over Europe & the artists that perform on the show are voted on by the general public. The top artists are supposed to win the chance to go on tour in Europe. Sounds good, right??! Well, like any talent show type shit, it cost $25 to register. I figured that was not too much money for what seemed like a good opportunity. I would turn out to be so wrong....Now, in defense of my own judgement, this Piper Pics show had at one time been filmed @ what was the Improv in downtown Orlando. I didn't go, but hadn't heard anything bad about it either. That brings me to today....first off, the shoot was supposed to be in Orlando or so I thought....when I got the confirmation e-mail, I received directions to Poinciana...this struck me as odd....if you know where Poinciana is, its a little ass town south of Kissimmee (which is south of Orlando)....seemed like a weird place for a TV show. But, I figured that a dope studio could pretty much be anywhere. And, if you had the right equipment, you could film anywhere also. Neither of these was the case....I finally get there, it is waaayyyy out in the middle of nowhere....@ a house (already has me skeptical)...I walk up to the front & ring the doorbell. No answer....then, this dude comes around from the back yard & lets me in. He doesn't introduce himself, just opens the door for me. When, I walk in, there is a bullshit ass set that basically consists of some logos & scenary painted on one of the walls of the living room, a cheap ass mic in the middle of the room, & a handheld camcorder on a tripod....I'm thinkin I'm in a bad movie or some shit....There is like two people is there, one is an old lady who is dressed like shit is attending a funeral. I see this other dude in purple Hammer style pants walking around lookin crazy...so, I ask the guy sittin on the couch who had let me in who was in charge....he points to the Hammer pants cat & says that he is the "Pied Piper" who is supposed to be the host of the show....I approach him & notice that has sparkles on his face and looks like a reject from the 70s funk era (actually, supposedly he was either related to or a protege of Rick James)....he looks the part, not that that is any kind of compliment. I ask him when shit is supposed to start & if I need to check in, who to give my music to, if they have all my info, etc. etc. These seem like pretty standard questions @ a show like this....I still don't know why I even stay after I saw the set....Either way, dude looked @ me like I was crazy & told me they were still setting up & I could wait outside. So, I go outside for a few. Then, this wanna be security cat in a suit that looks like it is from Walmart brings us back in where we sit on these chairs that look like they go to some broke ass kitchen table...this is where the "audience" is supposedly gonna be....@ this point, there is one other artist there....this dirty South cat that looks more blown away then I am by what he is seeing...not that I blame him. So, we're waiting for the Rick James look a like to come downstairs & start shit... I still have no idea why I was sticking around...desperate unsigned artist I guess....then, this goofy ass dude approaches me to do an interview b4 the show. He takes me out front again where I basically do a wack ass interview in front of this dude's front window. I then tell the cat that I am gonna chill outside for a minute & make a phone call.....it is then that my wonderful gut feeling finally kicks in that this probably isn't worth staying for...thank God I came to my senses. I more or less just walk off & drive away without looking back. I can only hope the other artist did the same. All of this leads me to one piece of advice, the internet has made it so that any moron with a website can try & appear legit. Then, any artist who is hoping for a break might end up signing up for something that was a monumental waste of time, energy, GAS, toll money, $25 for registration, and so on and so forth. I take comfort in the fact that these people will never make it happen, & will also be a memory that I can get a good laugh out of when I need it. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm Rick James bitch!